The Big 50

Whoo...50 posts. This is the one thing that I have stuck to for a while, and boy am I glad I did. It is a nice small achievement I guess. Something I never thought I could do and yet I did. It is kind of nice to discover things about oneself as time goes and realise there is more to us than what is perceived.

It is difficult for me to stick through with things. It is painful in fact for me to continue down a certain road for a long time. It is good in certain ways, but makes me feel real miserable in other ways. I always feel a tickle in my mind if I have been on a task for a while. It makes me want to put it down and run, run as fast as I can. it is perhaps the need to achieve everything that I possible can within my lifetime and yet the moment I run, I look back to see shattered half done visages lying behind. I have a double bonus in the fact that I don't often turn back and regret the things left half done. I do turn back, but it is more to see what was done and what is left to be done than to regret what was not. This half baking tendencies of mine do have negative consequences. I am invariably never around to see what good things could have come. I derive my life from the restless soul that I am. I see the things I can, I dreams the dreams at night and imagine the possibilities because of the fleet footed mind of mine. But there are times when I wish I could sit still within myself. I am incredibly patient, in the physical world. I can sit for hours without disturbances, but in the world within me, I run in quest of a world unknown, to seek treasures buried in the deep recesses of the world I imagine, to hide, to seek and to derive pleasure in the numerous non-constants in life.

There are times when I want to control the impulse to flee, when I want to silence the sounds and yet hear just what is happening now, here. I want to stick to things and take them to their destined ends, to be accountable for what I do and colour the whole picture and stick inside the lines. This, here is one attempt to be in the present and yet with 50 posts, there is a stir within me, I am unable to sit still, my hands go all across the keyboard and my thought trip and fall over themselves. I just have to learn to channel them elsewhere and keep leaving my footprints here.